Thankful all the time? Or Just today?

Thanksgiving is a day where most people celebrate to give thanks for their blessings and for the People/things they have in their lives. Its a special Occasion where family/friends come together for the same common purpose. I wonder though..Is it the food that makes people really happy? lol. The seduction of the food is what brings us together?? lol Personally, I'm a happy camper when a bunch of my favorite foods are made in one day lol. But I am truely thankful for everything I have and considering my current status, I really don't have it bad. My situation could be worse? The whole basis of my argument is why do we choose to make one day out of the year to give thanks to what we have. Why can't there be a day where a family members calls the rest of the fam to come by for a get together and give thanks? I have quite a few people in my life that I am truely thankful to have.

Order in the Court!!

ALL RISE!!! THE HONORABLE JUDGE, EDWIN WESTBROOK PRESIDING.... You may be seated. Thank you. As I been saying before and over and over and over again, I've been saying that I am writing a book about a NYPD detective and his partner solving a big case. You've seen me complain on Facebook that I've been stuck and unable to conjure up an idea blah blah etc. Anyway I felt that the only way to really make my book epic, I would have to experience the vibe, essence, and atmosphere of an actual courtroom. If im not mistaken it was the 12th of November and I decided to go to the courtroom on that Friday. My Law professor gave me the address 360 Adams Street. I entered the building, I tried observing what I had to do while at the scanner instead of asking to spare time. I emptied my pockets and placed my bag, jacket, and Fitted Cap in the box to be scanned. I asked the Officer for directory assistance as to what Floor I can observe a Criminal Trial. As to my surprise, the kind Officer explained that Criminal Term is on 320 Jay Street. I was directed to the building and as I approached the building I have to say I was starstruck. I don't know why I just loved the way the building looked. So I looked at it and there were two sections, "Family Court" and "Supreme Court". As I entered, I went on the line and I didnt get the little grey box I was supposed to get to put the items in my items in my pocket in, so unfortunately I had to go out the line and retrieve one. I entered the scanner repeated the same process and I went straight to the Court Officer at the desk and asked for directory for an on-going Criminal Trail. He explained that floors 2-4, and floors 15-21 would have trials occuring. Entering the 2nd floor, I looked around and went into "Ceremonial 2". Inside I saw people sitting in the gallery, I saw the prosecutors and the defense lawyer sitting and talking to each other. I sat down anticipating the trial to begin. I sat for a while watching court officers standing around, I saw a court officer talking to who I'm guessing was the judge's clerk. She was looking at her phone with the court officer and her laughing at whatever they were looking at. So funny because the rules say No cell Phones are allowed to be on in the court room. I guess they are allowed to break the rules of the court room since they work there. So I sat there just sitting back, I sat for about 20 to 25 minutes and nothing yet. So I decided to check other Court rooms to see if there were any trials actually ongoing. I went to the 4th floor if im not mistaken, and I entered the courtroom. I assume that it was a pre-trial motion, or just a hearing to decide when the trial was going to commence. The Defendant was in another room and communicated with the court via TV connection. The Judge ruled that the trial will occur on January 7th. After the meeting was over Family members of the victims were yelling out of emotion at the Defendant and crying out stating "I hope you get yours!" "I hope yo ass rots in prison motherfucker." I wasn't laughing at the statements but I cracked a smile at the statement because now it gave me some ideas of what type of crime will occur in my book and I got a feel of the emotion that woman went through. In short, to make the drama of the book more interesting. Anyway, I went back to Ceremonial 2 to see if anything was going on. Of course people were on their phones texting and the court officer actually started to notice it. He yelled across the court stating the rules of how all phones must be turned off and the woman got an attitude so a little mini-dramatic moment occurred. Of course the officer knew it was her phone that went off and she denied it stating that it wasn't her phone that went off. I sensed the officer knew what kind of person he was dealing with and just ended the saga with "All cell phones must be turned off" she turned off her phone and that was that. So I heard the officer signal to allow the jury into the court and got really excited. I sat back and watched them enter, and then the judge entered and sat down. The case was People v. Robert Crawford. The Defendant himself was brought in shortly afterward handcuffed and had 3 male and one female court officer sitting right behind him. They were watching him like a hawk. Sadly I do not know exactly what the charge was, all I know is that testimony was read back to the jury and the testimony was by a T-Mobile Representative who is an expert in how calls were made, the process of the billing, etc. The rep. explained the relative position the defendant could've been at while making calls, the number in question belonged to the defendant, etc. So after about 45 minutes passed and all the testimony was read back the Jury was sent back to finish deliberating their verdict. Unfortunately I didn't stick around to see what the verdict was, nor do I know for sure if the jury actually did finish deliberating on that same day. I'm sure they did finish and wether the defendant was convicted or acquitted is unknown to me. I wonder if they did convict him. Next time I go I will definetly make an inquiry on the details of the case. I did enjoy the experience for what it's worth. I do look foward to going back again sometime.

Have you ever...

About 2 months ago the Fall 2010 semester for John Jay College was just beginning and I met some nice people (at face value). And I would be lying if I told yuh I wasn't keeping my eye out for the women I see in John Jay. Now I been rejected by women in my life, (Then again who hasn't been rejected lol)but I gotta say, I never been rejected the way that I was last month. I met this gorgeous woman in one of my classes and I just liked what I saw. Yes it was sexual but also genuine liking for this one girl in particular. About 5'6 Blond hair, beautiful figure, cute face, and she has a lovely name. I will not reveal the name because I respect everyone's right to privacy. Anyways been contemplating on talking to her and stalled alot. I had so many opportunities to talk to her but I choked each time. Then I decided to tell her and I got the only response that left me in suspense. The meaning is probly clear to others and myself but I guess because it was so new to me that it left me dumbfounded. I told her I had a crush on her and her response was...DRUMROLL PLEASE............."I don't Know What To Tell You..." whomp whomp whomp, I tell yuh I was stuck on stupid when I got that response. I tell yuh I never ever gotten that before. I normally got a normal response either it was "no", "I see you as a friend", "I like you too but I have a bf" But this was new and I didnt know how to respond to it. It's kinda embarassing to say it but it's me so i guess anything is possible. Any ideas on what the response means in "English" if you will.

Heaven

It's been hell not having cable for the 2-3 week period it was gone. It brought me great satisfaction when it was put in my room instead of its original place in my living room. I used to have cable in my room back in like 2006 or 2007 not exactly sure, but now I get to watch my tv shows while I eat in peace. I can do more of this and less turning on my laptop and watching a dvd while I eat. Now I will have something to do when im bored out of my mind. This is Heaven. =)

Character Flaw?? Or Mere Opinion??

Alright it's been a while since my last blog post Thanks for the welcome back (CLAPPING AND CHEERING)Thank you! Thank You! Thank You! I've changed my attitude and decided to go to the gym every week and workout to get in shape and lose weight.

Now I am just an average guy who loves to hang with friends, have fun, make people laugh, make money etc. I been complimented by many people. I been told im cool, down to earth, funny, open-minded, a sweetheart. And thats something I enjoy hearing from others because it makes me feel good. But something I just don't understand. With all these great character traits, I been called a "Lame" by quite a few people. I don't understand how I could be cool, funny,and lame at the same time. I see myself as a cool individual. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I'm not hanging out outside in front of my building or on the street corner getting drunk and smoking Marijuana. Im in school, I am a fairly intelligent guy. The definition of Lame is weak, ineffectual. Yet quite a few people have labeled me a lame. Some people need to look in the mirror and take a look at themselves before criticizing another person. I will tell you something. The definition of cool is me. Someone who doesnt change their ways because your own image doesnt satisfy or live up to the standards of another. I am simply being myself. I am very laid back, love to be sarcastic, or "Witty" as my good Friend (Who will remain nameless for Privacy reasons)calls it. I love to make people laugh. I love to seek motivation from others. I am a very good hearted person and willing to help people in need. I am an open-minded, straight foward person who is going to graduate from John Jay and become the best damn Police Officer in the New York City Police Department. THAT IS COOL.

Love’s Rejections

"Love's Rejections"

I was only 12, and I felt my heart beats. I saw her; I was in love, standing feet to feet. Beautiful, sexy eyes, luscious lips, there she stood. I paused, eyes in the air, saying "Damn she lookin' good" I said "Hey darling, how are you? What is your name? She said "Hi, (giggling) said I'm fine, my name is Serenity. We talked, lots of flirting, and I decided to ask her out. She stood paused for a minute, said I'm sorry, but I like you as a friend".

I was then 14, 2nd year in high school. I saw her; I was in love, standing feet to feet. There she was, beautiful brown eyes, went so right along with her nice sexy thighs. I approached, nervous, sweaty palms, heart pumping hard, said hey, what's your name? She said Hi, beautiful smile, teeth shine, said my name's Janet. I told her I don't do this Normally, I am kind of shy. But I think you're beautiful, I'm feeling you, and I would like to take you out sometime." She smiled, said "I'm sorry, but I see you as just a friend".

I turned 16, my 3rd year in high school. I saw her; I was in love, standing feet to feet. There she stood, long black hair, beautiful body, room brightens when she smiled. I couldn't resist, I couldn't resist, and I went the extra mile. I said hey pretty young thing, may I ask what your name is? She giggled; face turned red, and said "my name is Julissa". I said "babe, I don't do this normally, I am kind of shy, but I think you are beautiful, and I can't help but ask, will you be mine?" She laughed and smiled, said "I think you're a cutie, but you been a great friend to me, and I want to be your friend, I'm sorry", and walked away.

My confidence ran out, I felt hopeless in a world of beautiful women I just can't seem to have. My world turned upside down, I just don't understand. What is it that Women don't like about me? I take a shower every day, I am a gentlemen when need be. Am I not good enough to have a Woman? Am I too good for woman? All the girls that ever rejected me, I see them with the bummiest looking dudes I have ever seen in my life. Some even stink as if they don't take showers. I just don't understand the message that is sent to me here. Is it that I have to just ask them out first, and then be their friend, or do girls just do not like me? I feel so alone, so depressed. These are love's rejections for me. Will I ever find "Her", or is it just one big fairytale?

Her

I think about her all the time. her moves, her hair, her face her lines, divinity in motion. I feel moved by the essence of her presence. I see her only twice a week which is barely enough. I look at her time in time out and I simply can't seem to find the words. I want to talk to her with all my might and i wish it was that simple. Gosh she is so beautiful so devine. I wish I can just walk up to her and say, "Baby, I been eyeing for a while and I gotta say you are so beautiful mami, so sexy, I mean look at you girl you look soooo beautiful. So I'm sayin' if you interested and you don't have a man I wanna know if we can get to know each other and see what's good with me and you. What do you say?" If only I really had the courage to just go up to her and ask her. I can't help but think of her saying " Sorry but I have a boyfriend" or "sorry your cool and everything but I don't really like you like that/I don't really want a boyfriend now because I just went through a bad break-up" I just can't help but think one of those 3 outcomes will occur. It's so hard to think positive in these situations. I don't know exactly if it's my self-esteem, my confidence, or just pure negativity. I'm not exactly sure of what it is but I want it to end. I want to finally go up to her and hopefully get the answer I want to happen. She deserves a good man, to be with me. I'm tired of the bullshit and lonliness I been feeling since my last break-up. I want something new, something exciting, and be with a woman I like and vice-versa. I want it to mean something without any fake shit. I just gotta try....... I really gotta try my best and hope for the best. I just gotta try my best. No matter what the odds are. I would rather go up to her and ask her what's good if she single then asking her out while in a relationship because then I would be left clueless, I wouldn't know for sure if she likes me if she's in a relationship. So it wouldn't be so heartbreaking but actually would be heartbreaking. Hmmmm I'm gonna try.... I'm gonna ask her on the day I return to my school. I just pray that she is single and remains single to the day we return so I can make my move and change her status to "In A Relationship" with me that is. Well here it goes..... (TO BE CONTINUED)

Ms. Independent?? yeaa right!!

Hey look Im sorry but I have to get this off my chest. Real talk, I hate when women try 2 call themselves "Ms. Independent" nowadays. That shit is so annoying. I laugh at da shit honestly. Now don't get me wrong, there are women out there that are independent and believe me I love that, but please save the drama and leave that shit outside cuzz if Ne-yo never sang that song none of these gurls wud be sayin that. Gosh there women sayin they independent and cant even wash their ass right. So please, cut the bullshit cuzz that shit is soooooo played out and so not original real talk.

annoying during a train ride

look i understand some people are unfortunate and dont have money, no jobs, etc. and what better place to display talent and earn some money playing the instruments, some people faking disabilities feeding off human emotions to squeeze a few bucks, but for the love of the lord, please DO NOT come on to the train and play your instruments. It ruins the entire purpose of listening to our ipods/Mp3 players, etc. We spent mucho dinero on these devices and for you to come on the train and play a shitty piece it ruins the purpose of enjoying music during a long ass train ride. And when they make that stupid little speech to make us feel bad for you, "i have no job, no money, No place to sleep, i haven't eaten in 2 days" like we are supposed to feel bad for you and shit. And most of y'all are crackheads, drug users, etc. Believe me I know. With respect to the people who really are homeless, enough with them tired ass speeches and shitty guitar playing. My music player is way more important and worth my time.

Do You Love Me?

"Do you love me? Do you love me? your lips so tender so sweet. my love for you is hard to keep. My thoughts of you race each other out my head through the ceiling. I can't describe these feelings, just one touch unvales a healing. I tried 2 tell you, I tried to tell you, but ur presence alone makes me weak. I wish I had the words to tell you, but you just leave me speechless. Do u love me?"

who da fuck r y'all

Ok you walking down the street minding your own business and all of a sudden this gorgeous beautiful woman walks by. You just can't help but stare b/c she is just "drop dead" gorgeous. Then as she turns around and looks at you noticing you are looking at her ............she makes a face of disapproval. Nevermind the fact that he believes you are gorgeous, nevermind he's interested in you and may be they guy she's been looking for her whole life. Cmon now really? What's with the face? I swear man only in New York you gotta wear a fly ass outfit with a fitted cap and tight sneakers to get a woman's attention. Why the fuck do we gotta wear these flashy ass clothing? You bitches ain't first class? Like who da FUCK R Y'ALL?? For real now, I mean you try to say how some niggas r bummy but you bitches r living in da projects just like we r. Just cuz a dude got on black sneakers, a plain shirt, and shorts on (not name brand shit) don't mean anything. Clothes and money don't make the man sweetheart I'm sorry I don't know what the fuck you were thinking. It matters what he has up there (his menatlity) and here (his heart). Not "oh how much money da dude got" or "What clothes da dude wears". Now don't get me wrong some women do understand that concept here but a lot of y'all r madd fake. Don't say u look for men with good personality when u really don't. Look I'm sure a lot of women have standards but seriously girl, don't set your standards so high cuz u really gonna miss out on a good man. There are still a lot of us that aren't players so don't underestimate a mans talent by his clothing. Its about his mentality and if his heart is in the right place. Always remember that. I'm naming it not only in the male gender defense but my own b/c I've run across a few women in my lifetime that underestimated me to be something that I really that I'm not. so to end this note I say good luck to all the real dudes out there tryin to find that special girl

through her eyes

God she is so beautiful and da sad part is that I don't know if she sees that. I see a goddess when I look at her. I stare at her often cuz she is so gorgeous and I also like the reaction I get when she looks back at me while I stare at her. Gorgeous as she is, I don't know if she would settle for an average guy like me. I mean I don't believe I'm the ugliest dude in da world but I just don't know if she would settle with a guy like me. I'm not in the best fit shape physically. When I look in the mirror I see an average guy just making his money. Sometimes I question myself, am I good enough to actually make a woman happy and feel good? I wonder if she feels the same way? Does she see the same thing I see when I look in the mirror everyday? Hmm I wonder does she see a fine handsome man who goal is to be with her and make her happy. Is there something she sees in me and doesn't see it yet, and wants me to bring that part of me to light? Sometimes I feel like I'm gettin somewhere and maybe she finally sees that I'm for real and I'm the one for her. And somedays I feel like I'm being used. I don't know if its just my impatience or is it her just testing me to see what I'm about and if I really do care about her. I really don't know but one of these days when we out together we gotta have a sit down and talk with her about "us". I can't picture being with anyone else. Out of all the girls I've dated and liked, she is the only one I can't get my mind off of. Its so funny when I'm with her I feel so happy so in peace. When I'm away from her I want her more. I want to be with her so bad. One time when I was mad about something she was so affectionate and caring. I want her to be mine. She's the only one I want to spend my life with. She's everything I want in a woman. I just hope my dream comes true. I wonder if she feels the same about me? Hmm there's only one wayto find out.

little chip off of Brooklyn

I been living on this little chip off of Brooklyn for 20 years. My eyes have begun to open as to the true nature of the place. I have to say I'm really beginning to become irritated. I know the place like the back of my hand. But the shit I'm starting to see really disgusts me. People hanging out on the street corners, gunshots going off every night ., cab drivers acting stank, etc. However I never seen it any better then what it already is so I guess nothing has changed beside the weather. I guess you cud say that its still "normal" around here. Here are things that is considered "normal" in C.I. it wouldn't be normal if I'm waiting for the elevator and when it comes to make the stop, a douchebag in the elevator presses the emergency button to stop it and make it go down. It wouldn't be normal if I walk outside my building and I don't see the fellas outside my building smoking a blunt and talkin loud into all hours of the night. It wouldn't be normal if I walk up my block and not see fellas hang outside the corner deli drinking beer, or soda and hollerin out racial slurs at one another. It wouldn't be normal if I take a cab home and the cab driver willingly w/o solicitation drop u off in front of your building. It wouldn't be be normal if Lenny the chinese food guy isn't working in the chinese restaurant (the best in c.I.) taking orders and not giving free drinks to the people who give him business for years. It wouldn't be normal if I walked in my elevator and didn't see piss in the elevator and condoms in the staircase. It wouldn't be normal if I go in the cell phone doctor and not see Ury selling cell phones and being madd cool with people. It wouldn't be normal if I was doing my laundry on 30th and surf and the same black bitch all da time asking me for money "for food". It wouldn't be normal if I'm walkin through the amusement park I work at and people always asking for a free game. Its wouldn't be normal if people actually listened to the rules of the game that I operate and actually dnt complain after spending a meezely dollar. It wouldn't be normal if the customers that play my game say that "this shit is rigged". It wouldn't be normal if people don't come up to me and ask where the bathroom is. It wouldn't be normal if people don't ask me where the ticket booth is when there are 4 big ticket boxes in the park with a sign lit up that says "TICKETS" . It wouldn't be normal if people aren't fighting on July 4th at my workplace. It wouldn't be normal if my boss would not bitch @ me and my co workers for not making enough money on a hot weekend and each game made about $300 to $400 each. It wouldn't be normal if it was supposed to rain on a day that I'm working and it actually winds up raining ending the workday. It wouldn't be normal if the russian people living in my building were actually nice and actually say "excuse me" when trying to pass out of the elevator. It wouldn't be normal if the Mermaid Avenue section wasn't busy during the day. And so many more things I would make this place so un-normal. But to me the things that occur in this place is ironically "normal" to me. I guess that's what makes me a "Coney Island Baby" :-D

77

(ROUND OF APPLAUSE) awww shucks thank you thank you. Yes yours truely has returned. I've been awfully busy (in other words lazy or stuck)lately. But now im back and thanks to a friend I have something to talk about lol.

Earlier in the year when I received my Pell check, my pop said that I should go and aim to get my Driver's License. Now honestly I didnt want to cuz i did't want to spend the money for the lessons and shit but you know what I really wanted to get my license. I called the driving school located in Sheepshead Bay(which by the way has a old bitch who isnt friendly at all. I'll get to that later) and set it up. I paid for the 6 lesson package, the road test, and the 5 hour class. It cost me a total of $285. Now my original instructor name was Bob. He was such a nice fellow. Always friendly, patient for a man his age, and super nice. He told me stories about his wife and his son. He also explained how he got his license, the "good old days", etc. Anyway I took all 6 lessons with him and I learned alot from him. I took the 5 hour class which wasnt as boring as I thought. People explained their experiences driving, and laws of the road, and blah blah blah. Now the day of the road test i signed up for an extra lesson, which cost me $32. and then right after the lesson my instructor drove me to the road test site. I was shitting bricks. Adrenaline was pumping all over uncontrollably. My instructor told me of stories of past students that failed over dumb shit. I can't lie it made me giggle. But I didnt wanna laugh cause I thought it would jynx me into failing. As me and Bob were waiting he told me stories about how the DMV had a quota back in the 70s on how they had to fail a certain amount of people. I knew that happened at some point, but according to Bob they supposedly don't do it anynmore. Anyway their was this big fat guy walking from car to car signing the 5 hour certificate and looked at the my Driver's Permit. I tell you these people here don't appear friendly. Then about 20 minutes later the DMV worker is ready for me. I got out and my legs were so weak. I sat in the driver's seat, put on my seatbelt, adjusted my mirrors, and waited for his instructions. He then uttered "Ok Mr. Westbrook, you may start the Ignition, and begin." I turned on the engine and checked my mirrors but apparently I didnt check my blindspot as i pulled out so I was already penalized 5 points. I signaled left and pulled out. I drove and he said "make a left here" so I turned and signaled as I made the lest on West 36th Street, "make a left here" so I signaled and made the left as instructed on Canal, then as I was driving there was a dead end. It was a path to a circle and there was a box in the middle bolted down. He then said "Ok make a K-Turn". At that point I was nervous. I didnt know how to manuver a K- Turn with the box in the middle. I was stuck and didnt Know what to do. So I just went around it. Then the guy starts bitching at me. "Whats the matter with you?? Your driving in a two way street like that what is wrong with you? He sucked his teeth. Then as I made the turn back on Canal, there was a Stop Sign and I stopped (not complete) and kept driving. He said I passed the stop sign. I didnt wanna argue with him b/c I already pissed him off already. Everytime he bitched all I kept saying was, "Sorry sir" "Yes Sir" "Im so sorry sir" and my confidence went to shit. I pulled up to the starting point and parked behind a bergandy car. He typed w/e he typed on his laptop and said "I felt you were very nervous. You passed a stop sign, you drove in a two way street. I think you need...more lessons." He gave me my receipt and I got out into the passenger's seat very disappointed. I fucking failed. I wanted to punch that guy, but in the end it was my own fault. Bob then got into the car after speaking with the DMV dude, and said he was sorry, he wishes me luck next time I take the road test. I was pissed off inside but put on a smile on the outside. Everything just looked dull to me. I was sad,mad, very disapointed in myself b/c I knew I could've passed if I wasnt so nervous.
On that same day I called the school and asked to sign up for the next available road test. I received a call 2 weeks before the road test. The "Bitch" said that I needed to make the payment by that following monday. So I did and I decided to take a lesson the day before the road test. I set it up and hoping Bob would be my instructor but unfortunately he wasn't. It was this young cool guy in his late 20s. His name was Richard. He was an awesome dude. He talked bout his experiences in Sheepshead, girls, weed, his cab driving days, etc. He told me how the Mafia mistakened him for another guy they were looking for. Oh of course he did his job as far as general rules of the road, what to do in certain situations, etc. His experiences and stories came more toward the end of the lesson. So then I found out that my pop and mom was leaving to South Carolina for my Grandfather's Funeral ironically on the day of the road test. My road test was at 9AM but I wasn't sure if we were leaving in the morning or that night. So I didnt wanna take a risk and not reschedule if that was to happen. So I called the school and explained the situation to the representative on the phone. So I was put on hold and then the Bitch came on. And now you will find out why I call her "Bitch". So the Bitch came on and said, "yes Edwin. Whats going on with your Grandfather?" I explained the issue the same way as I did to the other Representative. She said, "So why did you take a lesson today and waste your time and our time. You basically wasted 34 bucks for a lesson for no reason. If u reschedule ur lesson, it will be $25 bucks deducted from the original cost of the road test which is $60, for each week I reschedule. Don't know bout ur grandfather and dont care so each week its 25 bucks taken off of the 60 you paid. U wanna reschedule or no? Call back in an hour and let me know otherwise you will be penalized" click. Now u see why don't you? Not an ounce of sympathy or compassion. So unprofessional, and rude. I was stuck and unsure of what to do. So When my pops woke up I explained to him what the lady said, and he said that they can't take money from you b/c there were no services rendered. "You let them know 24 hours in advance so its not like its an inconvience. Let em know eddie, if they call themselves penalizing your payment, I got a dam good Lawyer. I will sue them blind. Tell them that Eddie lets see how fast they change their minds." I was so relieved and excited when pop told me that. Then I received a voicemail from the Bitch pretty much telling me that if I don't call by 2PM she will just penalize me 25 bucks automatically. She got me so pissed off. I then called my aunt and asked what time were we supposed to leave for South Carolina and she said tomorrow night around 7. As soon as she uttered the words "Tomorrow Night" I was relieved. I called the Bitch back and told her I'll be available for the test. So for all future drivers going to the Driving School at Sheepshead, beware of the BITCH. She Sounds old so you will know its her.
Anyway getting back,the next morning I woke up at 6:40AM in the Morning and got to the School at 7:45AM as instructed. The instructor drove me back to the road test site and there we sat until about 8:50AM. Before the DMV dude (Not the same dude as the guy at the first road test) and prayed to god that I pass the road test. I got in the car, adjusted my mirror, put on my seatbelt, and waited further instructions. "Alright, you may start the ignition and begin when you are ready." I turned on the ignition made sure I looked at my blindspots, signaled, and pulled out. I drove and he said make a left, the he said make a 3- point turn (K-Turn) I did it with no problem(thank god it wasnt at the same spot as last time). Then he ordered me to parallel park. Done. Then he wanted me to back up and park behind the car parallel to me. I did it ok but I was a lil too far from the curb. I pulled off and started driving, he then told me to turn left, and everytime from that point he kept saying that my turns were too short, that it shud be @ a 90 degree angle and to watch it. I figured I failed. He then instructed me from that point and we were back where we started. I sat there and I kept saying that I knew I failed. I also said to myself that "Maybe its just not meant to be for me to drive." He then stated, "Alright Mr. Westbrook, in a road test you are not allowed to score above 30, and you scored 40 young man." I was mad and sad. I just felt horrible. I failed again.........so I thought.......... "Im going to give you the benefit of the doubt because I think you were a little nervous. He asked me, Am I right??? I replied "Yes sir." He asked "would I be wrong for giving you the benefit of the doubt?" I said "No sir" He then typed some shit and printed out my receipt, "Alright young man sign here. Congragulations heres your license, good luck and be careful out there" "Thank you sir, I really appreciate your consideration, Thank you so much" And there it was. I couldn't believe it, I got my License, my prayers were answered. I was soooooo happy. I wanted to square dance in my shorts lol. I continued to thank god for his guidance and for what he did for me. I Felt overjoyed and excited. I felt so good. Even though I got off the hook, and got lucky, I am forever so greatful. I can't wait to get my first car and start driving. And as for the bitch that did me dirty, YOU CAN SUCK MY DICK. SUCK IT REAL NICE LICK ALL AROUND IT BITCH. MAKE UR BITCHASS CHOKE AND GAG ON MA DICK FUCKING OLD HAG. That concludes my first blog post like 3 months lol. I GOT MY LICENSE! I GOT MY LICENSE! I wish all the future student drivers luck on pursuing their Driver's License.

FUCKING ENOUGH

I SWEAR PARENTS R SO FUCKING ANNOYING. THEY THINK THAT SINCE THEY THE ADULT THAT THEIR OPINIONS R THE ONES THAT MATTER AND SHIT. FUCK YOUUUUUUU. U PIECE OF SHITS, WHO THE FUCK R U? OO ONE NIGHT U DECIDED TO FUCK EACH OTHER AND UR DUMBASS CONDOM DIDNT WORK(DUMBASSES) AND THEN HAD A BABY. U DECIDED TO MAKE UR SON/DAUGHTER'S LIFE FUCKING HELL AND MISERABLE. "OOO IM THE ADULT IN THE HOUSE, MY OPINION MATTERS AND WHAT I SAY GOES" FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUU WHO THE FUCK U THINK U IS? WHAT I HATE IS WHEN THEY SAY THEY DONT WANNA HEAR ANYTHING ELSE AFTER THEY ASK A QUESTION EVEN IF THE SON/DAUGHTER HAS A POINT OR VALID POINT, BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ACCORDING TO THEM THEY WANT A YES OR NO ANSWER. BUT LETS SWITCH IT UP 4 A MOMENT, LETS SAY THE SON/DAUGHTER ASKS THE PARENT FOR A YES OR NO ANSWER AND IF WE BLOCK THEM OUT OR DONT APPEAR TO BE LISTENING TO THE SHIT THAT COMES OUT OF THEIR MOUTH AFTER THE ANSWER THEY HAVE THE NERVE TO GET MAD AND CALL IT "DISRESPECTFUL", START YELLING BECAUSE THEY AINT GETTIN THE ATTENTION THEY FEEL THATS OWED TO EMM MEANWHILE THEY DOIN THE SAME THING TO THE SON/DAUGHTER. FUNNY HOW THAT IS AINT IT? MY STEPPOP ALWAYS BITCHES FOR SMALL SHIT AND THE SHIT THIS GUY SAYS MAKES NO SENSE. FOR EXAMPLE, IF U HAVE A PAIR OF HEADPHONES ON LISTENIN TO MUSIC AND SHITT, R U GUNNA BE A TRUE DUMBASS AND USE ONE HEADPHONE OR R U GUNNA BE SMART AND USE UR COMMON SENSE TO USE BOTH HEADPHONES? HOW U GUNNA BITCH ABOUT ME HAVING HEADPHONES ON BOTH MA EARS. HEY DUMBASS ITS CALLED "HEADPHONES" GET IT SHITHEAD "HEADPHONES" WITH AN "S" IN THE END. THEY R MADE FOR BOTH EARS U DUMBFUCK. DIS DUDE QUESTION ME SAYIN "WHY U GOT BOTH HEADPHONES ON WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENS AND WE NEED U" FIRST OF ALL DUMBASS WHAT R THE FUCKING ODDS OF SOMETHING HAPPENING, SECOND HEADPHONES R MADE FOR BOTH EARS. YES ASSWIPE BOTH EARS THATS WHY THEIR CALLED "HEADPHONES". AND U KNO THE FUNNY PART OF IT IS, ITS THAT DIS GUY DOES THE EXACT SAME THING. THIS DUDE GOES ON HIS CPU AND PLAYS WHATEVER STUPIDASS GAME HE PLAYS AND PUTS BOTH HEADPHONES ON WIT THE SHIT BLASTING. WE COULD BE CALLING THIS GUY FROM THE LIVING ROOM HE WONT HEAR SHIT. I REMEMBER ON SEVERAL NIGHTS I WOULD CONDUCT A TEST, I WOULD WALK IN THE ROOM AND STAND BEHIND HIM WHILE HE PLAYS, I WOULD CALL HIS NAME IN A REGULAR VOICE, HIGHER TONED, THEN HIGHEST TONED,HE DOES NOT HEAR ME. WE TOLD HIM MADD TIMES AND HE D.A SAID "Y'ALL GOTTA LEARN HOW TO FUCKING TALK LOUDER" SO FUNNY. I TOLD HIM THE SAME THING AND HE SAID "NO THE HELL HE DOESNT" ITS HILARIOUS YO D.A HE SO FUCKING BACKWARDS AT TIMES. HE MAKES NO SENSE WITH THESE DUMBASS LOGIC HE COMES UP WITH. LIKE SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP FUCKING BITCHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF I LEFT MY BED A LITTLE MESSY LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE, IF I LEFT MY SOCKS ON MY BED, LEAVE IT BE, IF I LEAVE MY CLOSET DOOR SLIGHTLY CRACKED, DONT FUCKING COME BITCHING AT ME ABOUT IT WHEN U DO THE SAME SHIT. IF I DO THE GARBAGE LATE, STOP WITH YOUR COMPLAINING. IM TIRED OF HEARING YOU COMPLAINING, TIRED OF HEARING YOU WHINE, TIRED OF HEARING YOU BITCH, TIRED OF HEARING YOU MOAN AND GO ON AND ON AND ON ABOUT LITTTLE SHIT. DONT MAKE THAT DUMBASS FACE OF DISAPPROVAL, OR SHAKE YOUR HEAD. IF I WANNNA CLOSE MY ROOM DOOR STOP FUCKING COMPLAINING BOUT IT WHEN YOU DO THE EXACT SAME SHIT. SO WHAT ITS URS AND MA'S ROOM. THE POINT IS U DO THE SAME SHIT. IF I FORGET TO FOLD MA BLANKETS, OR LEAVE MA CLOTHES ON MA PAJAMAS ON MY BED WHEN I LEAVE. STOP BITCHING ABOUT HOW IT MAKES MA BED TACKY AND UNORGANIZED. WHO THE FUCK CARES IF PEOPLE COME OVER, NO1 SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO WALK IN MY ROOM ANYWAY. WHO GIVES A SHIT WHAT HE/SHE/THEY THINK. SL WHAT I SPEND A FEW BUCKS HANGING OUT. LEAVE ME THE FUCK SLONE. ENOUGH OF UR BITCHING AND COMPLAINING.

A Few Thoughts In Mind

You know the things happening in this world is just wow. Haiti fucked up in da guttter, people dying all of a sudden. Out of all people who would've thought that Michael Jackson out of all people would die. Like seriously, Out of all the people, him. Gosh I tell yuh even though I didn't know him personally, I do miss him alot. Knowing that he is gone and that he wont be making anymore songs(Even though Michael Jackson has a bunch of songs he has never released yet) I just feel terrible. Despite his problems that he had he was a great man based on his interviews and image he projected. I wish he was still alive though I really do. But that isn't what I want to talk about though I get to Michael another time. For now I wanna talk about women and men. Now I have to say that i am really happy to see that alot of Women are starting to stand up for themselves and start seeing through fakers. Nowadays it aint really easy to get a woman to say yes to a relationship. Why you ask? Because of the men tryin to call themselves "players". For real like that shit is so played out. I really hate when men take advantage of women for real its really fucked up. Now you got women turning to other women for sex b/c like they say "no one can please a woman like another woman can" supposedly. You got women making the next man pay for the mistakes the last man made, when the next man could be the man you always wanted. Fellas, understand that women are the most beautiful creatures on this earth. One of God's genius creations. Women are so beautiful and deserve our protection, deserve our love, deserve our attention. Ain't nothing like a good woman by your side that's your partner, your lover, and very best friend. Now some men may think they the best looking and can get any woman he wants, and manipulate her to doing things and shit and who knows that may be true but remember this my fellow men, Once your in a Woman's heart, you are in. She gave you the chance to make her happy and make her wonder where you been all her life. But once your out of a Woman's heart, ma friend you are out. No second chances. You destroyed that bridge. Once that Woman decides that you are out of her heart man you are out for good.

***Eddie's Final Thoughts*** :Im glad to see women standing up for themselves nowadays, and not being so easy to say yes to a man and thats very respectable. However, a little advice to the ladies: if a man approaches you and genuinely shows interest in wanting to be more then friends, I ask that you please at least find out what the man is about. Dont be a follower and say "naw I don't wanna date for a while cuz men are dogs" Now that may be somewhat accurate that some men are dogs. But Ladies read this statement carefully "SOME Men are dogs" not all. Give the man a chance to prove that he is really legit dont shut him down because of a shared philosophy by the female gender. Try to keep an open mind. Remember you women are magically embedded with a "Bullshit Alarm" A woman can sense when a man is bullshitting her believe that. So my advice to my fellow man, stop bullshitting and be a gentlemen, show the lady that you really are a good man and can make her happy, be yourself. And Ladies, be yourselves as well, don't follow the philosophy and use it as an excuse to not date or to give up on starting a new refreshing relationship. No one's saying to be easy dont misinterpret that. Be a mature woman and handle the situation properly. Who knows you may just meet a special man. Those are my Few thoughts in mind for now. Thanks for reading.

Let me rap to yuh

Ok I'm just curious. I been scratching my head with this and I just can't seem to quite figure it out so help me if u can. Why the fuck do people say "Fuck My Life"? Like what the Fuck is wrong with you?? Do you wanna die or something you little son of a bitch?? Stop saying that shit. Just b/c something ain't goin your way or your having a shitty day you wanna say "fuck my life" you dumbass fuck suck the shit up and fucking deal with your problems. By saying that it indicates to me that you wanna die. You wanna die that's it and you must want someone to end your miserable life. Life is full of headache and problems but the way to deal with it is if you face the problem and make the best of it. So don't say that shit again. What did you say?? You motherfucking piece of shit now fuck up and deal with it.......Thank You.

Why?

You know I always wonder why people are the way they are. How can a person be so mean to someone without guilt running through your conscious. Do You have a soul? a decent one at that? Now Im not saying that im an 100% Angel but I swear alot of people can just be so cruel. For example, A homeless person is sitting on the sidewalk with his/her shopping cart full of raggedy clothes and barely has clothing appropriate for weather conditions. I see people passing them by like their nothing, garbage. I remember one time I was waiting by 58th Street and 8th avenue and their was a Homeless man sitting on the side near a few vendors and a store if im not mistaken. Anyway the man is very polite and asks people for any spare change. One individual passes by and the man asks if he has any spare change. The individual says "Get a Job", spits on him and walks away. My goodness thats just so wrong. Now I kind of understand from a certain viewpoint of some people. Like one individual stated to me that the reason why he "doesnt feel bad for homeless people is b/c of their addiction to drugs, why cant they go and fill out an application for a job and work to get paid like the rest of us" I must admit this person has a point but not all homeless people are addicted to drugs, or dont wanna work. Some people lost their homes in fires, or no money to pay the rent. I do have sympathy for people who are homeless b/c I cant imagine being homeless with no place to go or no warm bed to sleep in. Whenever im approached by a homeless individual I look at their body language and try to study them. I do this to see if i can determine if their doin drugs. In addition I tend to ask them questions like how did you become homeless? What happened to your family? Did you try to get back on your feet? What are you gonna use the money I give you for? I know the last question kind of seems dumb but hey yuh never know what response you will get? Normally if I sense he/she is lying I would say no i dont have any money to spare. If I feel he/she is legit I will give money willingly. However if im heading to go get something and IF AND ONLY IF I have enough money to spare, I would treat him/her to a hot meal. Their is the true test right there to see if he/she is really lying. Think about it. If he/she is really homeless and wants something to eat then the person would jump to the opportunity but if I offer to buy food and the person says "no thats okay just give me the money I will buy food later" BAM, there you go. You caught him/her in the act. I know if I was homeless and dying for a plate of food and a nice person offered me a plate of food with a drink hell yeah I would jump up to go eat.

*****TO BE CONTINUED*****

Creation

I am currently in the works of creating my own book. Its a Drama/Romance/Action (etc.) filled type of book about a Detective in the New York City Police Department. He is confronted by a Criminal that He arrested a few years back. It all so happens that the arrest helped advance his career. He also unexpectedly becomes romantically involved with his partner. For now im working on it and I do hope to get it on the book shelves one day. This book I think will be a success as long as I put the effort into making it a success which I believe is coming well. I will continue to keep you all informed and updated. When will the book be finished. I really cant say for sure but I will definetly let you know when I do.

My Synopsis

The article I read “San Francisco City and County Budget Analyst Report to Board of Supervisors” explained why many cases were rejected by the District Attorney to prosecute. The reason being that the Police reports sent to the District Attorney for review had many insufficiencies and poor writing. I personally believe that the ideas summoned by the author of the article is common sense. This shouldn’t be an issue for Police officers to have. The very Police officers we hold to higher standards and expectations then the average citizen, the very Officers that we rely on for protection and order are having problems with their writing skills in result obstructs justice is unacceptable.
The purposes of a Police report regardless of its type is used to record crimes committed so when a future crime occurs that’s similar in nature can be compared and will help conclude if the same person(s) committed the same crime(s). It is also used to determine an officer’s abilities, strengths, and weaknesses in their work and how to improve. But if an Officer has writing skills that of a 8th grader then why not encourage the city to hire actual 8th graders to complete the police reports.
Part of the reason why Officers’ writing skills are that of an 8th grader is because of the minimum education requirements for recruitment. The minimum requirement was to earn a High School Diploma although some Agencies did require at least one year of college. But sadly enough after graduation some individuals still have poor writing skills. It is a “MUST” that Officers have near perfect writing skills otherwise the mission for Police Officers has failed. It delays justice for the victim(s) of crime. This should be a wake-up call for all future Police Officers. -Edwin Westbrook

Merely a Love life

******I want to make a few things clear to the viewers of my blog. First off I did not reveal any of the names of the women I been involved with for privacy reasons. Neither will I if asked to. Everyone has a right to their privacy and I dont have the authority to invade theirs. Therefore I deem that the names of these women are strictly confidential and protected******



This is a subject that I have often lied about the most just to impress people. Mainly because it always seemed like I was 3 steps behind of every one else. I felt embarassed because I would hear my friends talk about their experience(s)with girls and I would be the only one with no story. Im the shy type. I never talked to any girls until about 8th grade. But I did experience a kiddie love affair with this one girl that annoyed me at the time. I remember that girl very well. Honestly looking back, she was pretty and had these beautiful eyes. One time at Breakfast she kissed me on my cheek. I dont remember her name but she surely wasnt my type from my 6/7 year old eyes. I didnt like her at all. She had this annoying voice that I couldnt stand. I had to see her everyday in school and on the school bus in elementary school. She said she liked me I hated it and her father actually waved hi to me everyday at her bus stop. Everyday she developed these "signature moves" if you will. When she got off the bus, she would walk to her father, blow a kiss at me, point at me and her father would wave hi. Then one day in the lunchroom, I was eating breakfast and the teachers escorted her to sit next to me. I prayed that they wouldn't put her next to me and dammit they did. Ohhh I hated that so much. She said "I want to sit next to my baby" which made me more angry and resistant. She said "I Love you Eddie" in front of the teachers and kissed me on my cheek. I was so embarassed and the teachers laughed and said "awwwwwwwwwwwww". I was so embarassed I got up and went to the bathroom. I wiped my face from the spot she kissed me and I sat at a different table. I guess that after she kissed me, the teachers explained to her that kissing isnt such a good thing for a girl her age b/c later that morning she came to my class with a teacher and apologized for kissing me. She then gave me a hug which I actually enjoyed very much. Back then I wasn't into girls and I thought kissing girls was kind of nasty. You know from my point of view back then as a 6 or 7 year old, I thought all girls were ugly but now looking back and remembering, she was adorable. It was a kiddie love affair that I will keep dear to my heart and memory as long as I live.

Now in Junior High School during Freshman year I didnt have any type of sexual feelings or urges for girls at all. I just never imagined it, neither did I care about it. Then in 7th grade I felt so belittled. I felt so ashamed and rotten. I will explain why. There was this beautiful girl in my 7th grade class that I happened to like. We were all in class and waiting for the teacher to come. I told one of the kids that I liked the girl and then the bastard said "oooooo Edwin likes (whatever her name was)" over and over. The whole class started laughing. I was embarassed but I looked up and remained neutral. The girl said "who EDWIN????? Fuck outta here wit his uglyass. He probably never had a girlfriend" Then the class laughed and others jumped in to make fun of my clothing and my face. The class laughed at me and then the teacher walked in. Very shitty timing on the teacher part, if only she was there sooner....I felt so humiliated and embarassed. I sank into a temporary depression and I didn't speak to any of my classmates. I would just walk in and stay quiet. If someone asked me for a pen I wouldnt respond b/c I felt betrayed and hurt. Im not implying that 7th Grade was crap all around but that did hurt me alot mentally and my confidence to approach a girl was thrown in the drain before I even developed it. I guess that plays a part in my insecurity today. So in 8th grade I really started to become more attracted to girls more then ever. I started to stare at girls asses and breasts lol. My goodness I was a horny little guy hahaha. When I would see a attractive girl pass by me or in my visionary, I would be like "wow I wish she was my girl" in my mind. Then around May of my senior year in J.H.S. I liked this gorgeous mexican girl. I was so frightened and scared to walk up to her and say that I liked her. My Friend said "dont be a pussy. If you like her tell her she ain't gonna bite you. The worst she could say is no and if she does say no then just say ok and walk away." So during 7th period that Friday I walked through the halls during passing time and saw her alone waiting for class to start. I walked up to her, my heart exploding and feeling like I was about to piss my pants. I said "Hey whats up?" "She said nothing im good and you?" I said "fine just fine" I paused for about 2 mins and she said "I guess I see you later im going into class". I actually "grew some balls" and said "wait...uhhh.uhhh... look ummm I came to tell you that I like you and that I wanna know if you would be my girlfriend?" When I saw her expression I thought she was gonna walk away. It was the first time I went up to a girl and said that. but it was nothing of what I expected. She smiled and giggled and said "well, let me think about it" and I said ok. Gosh I felt so good. She didn't flat out say no. It wasn't so bad afterall. All she said was that she would think about it. It wasnt hard as I thought it would be to just walk up to a girl and say "I Like You". But sadly she didn't give me a response to my proposal until "autograph day" which was the day seniors hung out in the 4th floor gym all day and get your autograph book signed. I went up to her and she gave me her book and i gave her mine. I wrote to her saying that "I really liked you what happened? I then wrote I hope you do good in High School. And she wrote in my book "Hey Edwin, I really didnt get a chance to know you that well to really give you an answer when you asked me out. Hope you do good in High school and I will miss you. Love you always, (blank). so I accepted that we werent going to happen so I let her go.
Now my Freshman year in High School was good. I came to liking school very much. My first year of High School, my Mom forced me to ride the school bus because she was too scared to let me go to school alone. On the bus was a girl. She attended the school across from Dewey. She was soooooo in love with me. My goodness everytime I would get on the bus she would say "Eddie boooo". and the others would laugh. I admit I loved the attention but it did get annoying after a while. So one day I sat in the bus and she came to sit next to me. I was always avoiding eye contact because I didnt know what was going to happen. So she would talk and I would respond yea, oh really, ok, sure, i see, oo wow. you know short responses..Then she grabbed my hand and placed it on her thigh. omg I was nervous, excited and didnt wanna be involved with her at the same time. But I can't front, I liked it. I kept sliding my hand off her thigh but she would always take my hand and place it back. Now some people would jump to the conclusion that if im resisting a girl's flirtyness then that must mean im gay. But honestly im not at all. Im 100% straight. I just didn't want to do nothing with her. She then placed my hand on her ass and I cant lie it was a nice ass lolsz. Then she literally begged me to kiss her. I was so scared and she kept getting closer and she put her hand on ma dick. So I said ok what the hell. So we kissed and after we stopped she was sooo happpy and she was telling her friend "we kissed girl omg he kissed me" she was sooo happy I was like wow this girl is feening. She asked if I can tongue kiss her and I said yea. So we tongue kissed for a while and then stopped. She was in love with me ever since. I never had a thing for her but I cant lie it was one hell of an interesting ride home.

Sophomore year was different. It was better. I met this gorgeous woman who I will not name. She was absolutely gorgeous to me. I was so nervous to ask her out. It's so funny because the first week of school we would leave school together and the way we looked at each other clearly defined how much we liked each other. So one night I said to myself I gotta ask her tomorrow, I gotta ask her tomnorrow. So it was the end of the day and we were on the bus chillin. We started looking at each other and smiling. I then grabbed her hand and she blushed and wouldnt look at me. She wass all red faced while I was trying to find the right words to say. So I came out and said "You know I like yuh right?" and she said yes. I asked her did she like me and she shook her head yes. I then said "So whats good will you be my girl?" She said yes!!!!! I Was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy inside. But I played it off smooth. So I walked her to the bus stop and she said "Ok but two things. numba one:Dont Cheat on me and two:you cant act like we aint together". I said ight no problem. We kissed for the first time it was magical. I loved it it just felt so right. So me and her were happy with each other and we had our fun. Then after a month and a day we broke up. Her reason was that her father heard a convo between her and her cousin about me. He confronted her and blah blah blah blah. Now personally I believed she cheated on me cause the next day my friend told me he saw "ma girl makin out with some guy on campus" So that lead me to logically believe that she broke up with me to be with him. The night we broke up I was in my friend's house. I cried because I didn't wanna break up. I really liked her. She was my first girlfriend. I thought my world was tumbling down on me because I never thought I was gonna find another woman. Boy was I wrong!!!!

Junior year I was eager to start a relationship with a woman. Thats when I met her. My goodness I just couldnt believe my eyes. She was just so beautiful and sexy. I wanted her to be mine. I quickly started off a convo with her before our class started. We became good friends after that day. One day I asked to walk her home. She cconsented and I was odee happy. Now I don't remember what lead up to the moment, but before I left, I kissed her. Her lips were so soft, she smelled so good and I figured that "she wouldnt just let any guy kiss her so she had to like me". I went home all happy feelin all big and bad cause I thought she was gunna be ma next girlfriend and she is a badd mami. Man was I in for a surprise. I asked her if I can walk her home again and once again she said yes. We both were walking and talking and before I was about to pop the question, this douchebag comes out of nowhere and starts talking to her. I was soo pissed. The asshole just had to ruin it. Fucking Jerk. So a few days later I "caught" her walking home. When she saw me I could see that she was kinda annoyed b/c I walked her home like 2 days straight. But I wanted her and I wasn't in any way prepared to let the opportunity slip. So I popped the question and unfortunately she rejected me for whatever the reason was. From that point on I would try to make myself appear occasionally near her class because I wanted to see her reaction. At times she would say Edwin!! or Hi Edwin and I enjoyed the attention. Call me a stalker but hey I had a big thing for her. I was unsuccessful trying to win her heart and I thought maybe I should just let go. So one day I left her a comment on myspace, and all of a sudden she hits me up on aim. I couldnt believe it because everytime I would IM her she would only say hi and thats it. So we started talking and we would I.M and Text all day and into all hours of the night till we were tired from that point on. Everyday the same time frame I would always have my phone in my hand texting and I.M.. So one day I asked if I could come over and chill? she said sure. I went and we spent about an hour together maybe a little more. I wanted to kiss her so bad and ask her out but I thought maybe I lay back and chill for a while because I remember her saying that she doesn't like when guys try to kiss her and if she wanted a kiss she would let it be known through her body language/actions. So I chilled and waited to see where it took us. So after about 2 and a half months of texting, IM, and chillin together we became closer and closer. One day she called and asked if I can go with her somewhere, and I said of course. So on our way back we start making jokes, laughing at each other, blah blah blah blah blah. So we were in the elevator at her crib. We start flirting and I don't remember what we said during our flirtatious convo but as she left the elevator she said "kiss my ass" I said "werd, come here then" She came and slowly and flirty-like shaked her ass. I grabbed her and put her ass on me. No resistance and she laid back on me. I decided to lean in and she leaned in and we finally kissed AGAIN. I loved it. I was in heaven. I felt she loved it tooo because I didnt feel her resisting nor trying to end the kiss. As long as I was kissing her she wouldnt leave. She would lean in my arms and we would kiss for a good minute and stopped. I tell yuh I was really in love with her. Now for the record me and her were never a couple officially and I dont think she saw it as dating. Im not sure how she saw it. I assume that she probably saw it as a "Summer Fling" I really dont know. But it was more then a summer fling to me. I was in love with her. Its amazing because I really never got her true input on how she felt about me until the end of summer around september. Once I found out that she didnt feel the same I felt hurt, sadness, depression, etc. I was beating myself up wondering what was it that I did wrong. Was I not aggressive enough? Was I too aggressive? Was it something I did that turned her off?? I just couldn't for the life of me figure it out. I still have feelings for her and I still love her with all my heart. If I was given a second chance I would for damn sure do things a little different and without changing my personality. I can define love with this definition. "A Genuine unconditional care for someone/thing you care about. "Another definition which I looked up "A warm personal attachment to another person"

I'm the type that loves meeting new people. Whether it's outside, in school, or online. I love joining chatrooms and Social networking because you never know who you might meet. Especially women. Some people may think its lame but I don't. I think chatrooms are good ways to connect people. Despite unfortunate mishaps with online chat, I think overall its pretty cool. when I had Boost Mobile, I joined a chatroom called Boost Hookt. I met this girl and she seemed pretty cool. We chatted and we decided to go out. I made every attempt to try and meet up with her and see her. But I never got to see her. She would make up these excuses. And it got annoyed. So we had an argument and I never spoke to her again.

I also dated a beautiful girl from California. She is so sexy. Now I never seen her but she was awesome. We would call each other and talk for hours. She and I would've been perfect if she lived in New York.

I met this girl on myspace. She lived in queens but moved out the country for whatever the reason. I like her alot and she feels the same. Unfortunately long distsnce relationships don't work out the way we want to so we were together in the relationship for a short time. We have fun talkin on aim and facebook. She's sooo funny. She is Egyptian. Can you believe it?? Egyptian!! She is soo beautiful. Like She is the most gorgeous girl in the world to me. I can't wait for her to come back to New York so we can catch up.

There was this girl that I didn't mention earlier in my blog. I had such a crush on another girl back in Junior High School. Gosh she was sexy for a youngin'. I was feening to be with her. I never got the chance to back then. But last year I started a relationship with her. She certainly did change since J.H.S. She is cool even though I have to say I truely believe that she is a religious freak. She would always say she hopes I do well "on my Journey" in life in her religious angle. I'm not religious but I do believe that God exists. Thats one thing I disliked bout her. But overall she was a cool girlfriend. Even though I have to say that she was a jealous freak. In fact she broke it off b/c she thought I was cheating on her which isn't true. I didn't cheat on her.

Now out of all places, especially a place like John Jay there are women everywhere. Sexy ass latina women everywhere. There's a Latina professor at the college who I would love to fuck so bad but there's only a slim to zero chance that will happen. Now during the spring semester I met this girl. I sat next to her when the semester started and I thought she was beautiful. I fell in love with her eyes. her eyes are so beautiful and clear. She makes herself look so pretty and does it well. She really is a beautiful woman. We started to sit next to each other more often and we would talk and laugh, make fun of the professor and each other few times. So one day we chilled in this empty corrodor and laughed like we always did and made jokes. We were kinda flirty toward each other. Our bodies would touch one another. And I just wanted to hold her. So after a good laugh I grabbed her soft body and leaned against hers and she leaned on mine. As I lifted my head off her shoulder our lips were close to each other and the moment to kiss came. Once I went in she stopped me and said in a sad voice "I can't". She really couldn't because she was in a relationship but I kind of seduced her and said that to her "he not goin to find out" and we kissed. osh I loved it. Her soft lips and long ass tongue omg. When we stopped I wanted more but she stopped. When I walked her to her class I tried again and she said no. So I kissed her on the cheek and left. I felt so guilty afterwards. I knew she felt the same way I did but sadly she was in a relationship so it was a no-go. It took me a while but I finally got her to tell me how she felt bout me and I was right.

I really wish me and her were together I really liked her. But I guess we always can't have what we want. So I'm just gonna chill and do me for now. I look at the bright side of this, I don't gotta worry bout spending money on no one, I don't gotta worry bout spending time or obligating my time to someone. I could just do me, make ma money, go to school without a girl lookin ova ma back and no drama. I could just do me. Now don't get me wrong if I meet someone I would definetly give it a chance and see what happens. But for now I'm on ma solo flow just living ma life to the best of my ability.

From the Distance

There are many people who know me outside and see me quite often. And im sure that everyone I encounter have their own views and opinions about who I am. I wont lie I did put up fronts in the past to tried to make an image to get people to like me. I always had a thing to attract attention to myself especially in my moments. I felt I had to measure up to a certain level on other people's standards. Basically because I felt that I was a nobody. I was never noticed as popular, I was enlisted in a category known as "mr goodie too shoes" or "Teachers Pet". I hated that but I remained as the good kid because I was taught to respect the adults and do what im told. I was always afraid to get in trouble. I remember the first time I was yelled at by a math teacher I ran to the Bathroom and burst into tears. I cried so hard because I was never yelled at by a teacher like that before. All because a classmate asked me for a pencil sharpener and the teacher thought that I was "talking". Fucking skank. Ever since that day I took "being yelled at" not as hard as I did. I never cried for being yelled at again. However I still didnt like being yelled at period and still don't. However I dont take being yelled at by anyone lightly and during my early teen years I developed a temper. Alot of people would never expect that "Edwin has a temper?" But its true, I do. I remember starting in 7th grade I said my first curse words and it shocked the hell out of friends. I said "Shut the Fuck up". I couldnt believe it myself. I actually said it. From that point on I started my cursing and got goood at it. I started to socialize alot more with other kids and made new friends.
Continuing on, I realized that me talking a little too much got me into things I wanted no invlovement in. For example, in Junior H.S. I had a friend that I mainly associated with. He was mexican and had mexican friends. Of course I didnt know spanish so I wanted to learn. Whenever I was around his people I knew they were making fun of me because of the expressions and pointing. So I asked my friend how to say "Have you been sucking dick lately little bitch" in spanish. I repeated it and they laughed because of how I sounded. After the laughing ceased I got my ass whopped. lolsz. Not seriously whopped but I guess you can say they jumped me.
I always hated when other kids would make fun of me and sometimes hit or do annoying things. Quite frankly I wasnt tough, I wasnt respected and I was easy to pick on. I never fought back simply because at the time I was scared of other kids. I had no fighting skills, and I didnt know how to defend myself. But one day I became stronger and started to defend myself. During lunchtime in j.h.s my twin brother would be outside with "The special kids" b/c he himself has a physical disability. So one day one of the "Regular kids" walked over to him and started talking to him. At first I thought nothing of it I thought he was just talking to him. But then the kid started to imitate my brother's walk. I got extremely pissed off. I started walking over but before I got to stop him the kid pushed him and laughed while my bro was on the ground scraped up (so I thought). I ran to the kid and pushed him so hard. to the ground. Hence every one paused and looked at me with the expression "Did he...did Edwin just push that kid??" The kid got up again and attempted to get in my face but I got a hit in and pushed him again. The crowd was like "oooohhhhh shit Edwin fucked him up" yadda yadda yaddda all I did was hit em in the torso no biggie. The Dean meddled in and of course took my word over the kid b/c the kid was a troublemaker. Afterwards I helped my brother up and checked if he was scraped up and apparently he just got a scratch on his index finger. I felt so good for standing up to that kid and I got the respect I deserved at the time. Ever since then, even though I wasnt always successful I defended myself when need be.

Final Thoughts: Everyone has their own opinion about who I am. Some people believe that I am a "lame" or "simple-minded" or "slow". Some people think im full of excuses which I do conceed I used to do but I have improved and I own up to my faults. And when I realize that im starting to make excuses I shut my mouth and just admit the wrong I did. I feel that now more then ever I need to learn how to be myself and stop trying to put up a persona that isnt me. I decided that no longer will I try to impress others but just to be myself. I mean whats wrong with just admitting the truth. Who cares what other people think of you. If you refuse to be yourself, then you arent alive.

Alive too soon

Alright to start off my name is Edwin. I was born on the 7th month instead of the 9th month on December 19th 1990 at 1:03PM. Yes call me premo. To think that doctors said I'd be born on February 17th, 1991 another proven fact that doctors arent as smart as they are presumed to be. Im one of the lucky ones. I was supposed to die that day. I was so fragile and so small. Doctors predicted that me and my twin brother(especially him) wouldnt make it through the night. Once again we proved the unimaginable and survived. Amazin' aint it doctor??? According to family members, I was named after my Uncle Edwin whom I never met. I was told that I was originally going to be named "Van Edwin Westbrook" but apparently they decided to switch it around to Edwin Van Westbrook. I remember parts of my childhood but much seems to be a blur to me. I do remember times when my Father and my mother would argue and argue. Finally it was too much too handle with my dad's drinking so my mom sought to get a divorce. From what I been told it was hard on my mom during my toodler years financially. There were many days when she wouldnt eat but always made sure we all ate. Looking back I felt bad and I cried once about it because I can only imagine how hungry she was at the time. Then my step-dad came into the picture around 1997. It would change my life and that of my family since. My mom's financial status was improving and our relationship with Maxx (my step-dad) grew strong. Whenever I introduce Maxx to my friends I do so by introducing him with the championship titled "My Father". Why? because he practically raised me and taught me pretty much everything I know today. He taught me how to shower, shave, tie my sneakers, etc.

Final Thoughts: To this day I honestly dont know what my purpose is. But I do know one thing, I am definetly here for a damn good reason. Knowing that I was supposed top die and miraculously escaping my death sentance is a big ass sign in my book. So if I plan to pursue something I will accomplish that goal. I will discover my purpose and I will succeed.