From the Distance

There are many people who know me outside and see me quite often. And im sure that everyone I encounter have their own views and opinions about who I am. I wont lie I did put up fronts in the past to tried to make an image to get people to like me. I always had a thing to attract attention to myself especially in my moments. I felt I had to measure up to a certain level on other people's standards. Basically because I felt that I was a nobody. I was never noticed as popular, I was enlisted in a category known as "mr goodie too shoes" or "Teachers Pet". I hated that but I remained as the good kid because I was taught to respect the adults and do what im told. I was always afraid to get in trouble. I remember the first time I was yelled at by a math teacher I ran to the Bathroom and burst into tears. I cried so hard because I was never yelled at by a teacher like that before. All because a classmate asked me for a pencil sharpener and the teacher thought that I was "talking". Fucking skank. Ever since that day I took "being yelled at" not as hard as I did. I never cried for being yelled at again. However I still didnt like being yelled at period and still don't. However I dont take being yelled at by anyone lightly and during my early teen years I developed a temper. Alot of people would never expect that "Edwin has a temper?" But its true, I do. I remember starting in 7th grade I said my first curse words and it shocked the hell out of friends. I said "Shut the Fuck up". I couldnt believe it myself. I actually said it. From that point on I started my cursing and got goood at it. I started to socialize alot more with other kids and made new friends.
Continuing on, I realized that me talking a little too much got me into things I wanted no invlovement in. For example, in Junior H.S. I had a friend that I mainly associated with. He was mexican and had mexican friends. Of course I didnt know spanish so I wanted to learn. Whenever I was around his people I knew they were making fun of me because of the expressions and pointing. So I asked my friend how to say "Have you been sucking dick lately little bitch" in spanish. I repeated it and they laughed because of how I sounded. After the laughing ceased I got my ass whopped. lolsz. Not seriously whopped but I guess you can say they jumped me.
I always hated when other kids would make fun of me and sometimes hit or do annoying things. Quite frankly I wasnt tough, I wasnt respected and I was easy to pick on. I never fought back simply because at the time I was scared of other kids. I had no fighting skills, and I didnt know how to defend myself. But one day I became stronger and started to defend myself. During lunchtime in j.h.s my twin brother would be outside with "The special kids" b/c he himself has a physical disability. So one day one of the "Regular kids" walked over to him and started talking to him. At first I thought nothing of it I thought he was just talking to him. But then the kid started to imitate my brother's walk. I got extremely pissed off. I started walking over but before I got to stop him the kid pushed him and laughed while my bro was on the ground scraped up (so I thought). I ran to the kid and pushed him so hard. to the ground. Hence every one paused and looked at me with the expression "Did he...did Edwin just push that kid??" The kid got up again and attempted to get in my face but I got a hit in and pushed him again. The crowd was like "oooohhhhh shit Edwin fucked him up" yadda yadda yaddda all I did was hit em in the torso no biggie. The Dean meddled in and of course took my word over the kid b/c the kid was a troublemaker. Afterwards I helped my brother up and checked if he was scraped up and apparently he just got a scratch on his index finger. I felt so good for standing up to that kid and I got the respect I deserved at the time. Ever since then, even though I wasnt always successful I defended myself when need be.

Final Thoughts: Everyone has their own opinion about who I am. Some people believe that I am a "lame" or "simple-minded" or "slow". Some people think im full of excuses which I do conceed I used to do but I have improved and I own up to my faults. And when I realize that im starting to make excuses I shut my mouth and just admit the wrong I did. I feel that now more then ever I need to learn how to be myself and stop trying to put up a persona that isnt me. I decided that no longer will I try to impress others but just to be myself. I mean whats wrong with just admitting the truth. Who cares what other people think of you. If you refuse to be yourself, then you arent alive.