A Few Thoughts In Mind

You know the things happening in this world is just wow. Haiti fucked up in da guttter, people dying all of a sudden. Out of all people who would've thought that Michael Jackson out of all people would die. Like seriously, Out of all the people, him. Gosh I tell yuh even though I didn't know him personally, I do miss him alot. Knowing that he is gone and that he wont be making anymore songs(Even though Michael Jackson has a bunch of songs he has never released yet) I just feel terrible. Despite his problems that he had he was a great man based on his interviews and image he projected. I wish he was still alive though I really do. But that isn't what I want to talk about though I get to Michael another time. For now I wanna talk about women and men. Now I have to say that i am really happy to see that alot of Women are starting to stand up for themselves and start seeing through fakers. Nowadays it aint really easy to get a woman to say yes to a relationship. Why you ask? Because of the men tryin to call themselves "players". For real like that shit is so played out. I really hate when men take advantage of women for real its really fucked up. Now you got women turning to other women for sex b/c like they say "no one can please a woman like another woman can" supposedly. You got women making the next man pay for the mistakes the last man made, when the next man could be the man you always wanted. Fellas, understand that women are the most beautiful creatures on this earth. One of God's genius creations. Women are so beautiful and deserve our protection, deserve our love, deserve our attention. Ain't nothing like a good woman by your side that's your partner, your lover, and very best friend. Now some men may think they the best looking and can get any woman he wants, and manipulate her to doing things and shit and who knows that may be true but remember this my fellow men, Once your in a Woman's heart, you are in. She gave you the chance to make her happy and make her wonder where you been all her life. But once your out of a Woman's heart, ma friend you are out. No second chances. You destroyed that bridge. Once that Woman decides that you are out of her heart man you are out for good.

***Eddie's Final Thoughts*** :Im glad to see women standing up for themselves nowadays, and not being so easy to say yes to a man and thats very respectable. However, a little advice to the ladies: if a man approaches you and genuinely shows interest in wanting to be more then friends, I ask that you please at least find out what the man is about. Dont be a follower and say "naw I don't wanna date for a while cuz men are dogs" Now that may be somewhat accurate that some men are dogs. But Ladies read this statement carefully "SOME Men are dogs" not all. Give the man a chance to prove that he is really legit dont shut him down because of a shared philosophy by the female gender. Try to keep an open mind. Remember you women are magically embedded with a "Bullshit Alarm" A woman can sense when a man is bullshitting her believe that. So my advice to my fellow man, stop bullshitting and be a gentlemen, show the lady that you really are a good man and can make her happy, be yourself. And Ladies, be yourselves as well, don't follow the philosophy and use it as an excuse to not date or to give up on starting a new refreshing relationship. No one's saying to be easy dont misinterpret that. Be a mature woman and handle the situation properly. Who knows you may just meet a special man. Those are my Few thoughts in mind for now. Thanks for reading.

Let me rap to yuh

Ok I'm just curious. I been scratching my head with this and I just can't seem to quite figure it out so help me if u can. Why the fuck do people say "Fuck My Life"? Like what the Fuck is wrong with you?? Do you wanna die or something you little son of a bitch?? Stop saying that shit. Just b/c something ain't goin your way or your having a shitty day you wanna say "fuck my life" you dumbass fuck suck the shit up and fucking deal with your problems. By saying that it indicates to me that you wanna die. You wanna die that's it and you must want someone to end your miserable life. Life is full of headache and problems but the way to deal with it is if you face the problem and make the best of it. So don't say that shit again. What did you say?? You motherfucking piece of shit now fuck up and deal with it.......Thank You.

Why?

You know I always wonder why people are the way they are. How can a person be so mean to someone without guilt running through your conscious. Do You have a soul? a decent one at that? Now Im not saying that im an 100% Angel but I swear alot of people can just be so cruel. For example, A homeless person is sitting on the sidewalk with his/her shopping cart full of raggedy clothes and barely has clothing appropriate for weather conditions. I see people passing them by like their nothing, garbage. I remember one time I was waiting by 58th Street and 8th avenue and their was a Homeless man sitting on the side near a few vendors and a store if im not mistaken. Anyway the man is very polite and asks people for any spare change. One individual passes by and the man asks if he has any spare change. The individual says "Get a Job", spits on him and walks away. My goodness thats just so wrong. Now I kind of understand from a certain viewpoint of some people. Like one individual stated to me that the reason why he "doesnt feel bad for homeless people is b/c of their addiction to drugs, why cant they go and fill out an application for a job and work to get paid like the rest of us" I must admit this person has a point but not all homeless people are addicted to drugs, or dont wanna work. Some people lost their homes in fires, or no money to pay the rent. I do have sympathy for people who are homeless b/c I cant imagine being homeless with no place to go or no warm bed to sleep in. Whenever im approached by a homeless individual I look at their body language and try to study them. I do this to see if i can determine if their doin drugs. In addition I tend to ask them questions like how did you become homeless? What happened to your family? Did you try to get back on your feet? What are you gonna use the money I give you for? I know the last question kind of seems dumb but hey yuh never know what response you will get? Normally if I sense he/she is lying I would say no i dont have any money to spare. If I feel he/she is legit I will give money willingly. However if im heading to go get something and IF AND ONLY IF I have enough money to spare, I would treat him/her to a hot meal. Their is the true test right there to see if he/she is really lying. Think about it. If he/she is really homeless and wants something to eat then the person would jump to the opportunity but if I offer to buy food and the person says "no thats okay just give me the money I will buy food later" BAM, there you go. You caught him/her in the act. I know if I was homeless and dying for a plate of food and a nice person offered me a plate of food with a drink hell yeah I would jump up to go eat.

*****TO BE CONTINUED*****

Creation

I am currently in the works of creating my own book. Its a Drama/Romance/Action (etc.) filled type of book about a Detective in the New York City Police Department. He is confronted by a Criminal that He arrested a few years back. It all so happens that the arrest helped advance his career. He also unexpectedly becomes romantically involved with his partner. For now im working on it and I do hope to get it on the book shelves one day. This book I think will be a success as long as I put the effort into making it a success which I believe is coming well. I will continue to keep you all informed and updated. When will the book be finished. I really cant say for sure but I will definetly let you know when I do.

My Synopsis

The article I read “San Francisco City and County Budget Analyst Report to Board of Supervisors” explained why many cases were rejected by the District Attorney to prosecute. The reason being that the Police reports sent to the District Attorney for review had many insufficiencies and poor writing. I personally believe that the ideas summoned by the author of the article is common sense. This shouldn’t be an issue for Police officers to have. The very Police officers we hold to higher standards and expectations then the average citizen, the very Officers that we rely on for protection and order are having problems with their writing skills in result obstructs justice is unacceptable.
The purposes of a Police report regardless of its type is used to record crimes committed so when a future crime occurs that’s similar in nature can be compared and will help conclude if the same person(s) committed the same crime(s). It is also used to determine an officer’s abilities, strengths, and weaknesses in their work and how to improve. But if an Officer has writing skills that of a 8th grader then why not encourage the city to hire actual 8th graders to complete the police reports.
Part of the reason why Officers’ writing skills are that of an 8th grader is because of the minimum education requirements for recruitment. The minimum requirement was to earn a High School Diploma although some Agencies did require at least one year of college. But sadly enough after graduation some individuals still have poor writing skills. It is a “MUST” that Officers have near perfect writing skills otherwise the mission for Police Officers has failed. It delays justice for the victim(s) of crime. This should be a wake-up call for all future Police Officers. -Edwin Westbrook

Merely a Love life

******I want to make a few things clear to the viewers of my blog. First off I did not reveal any of the names of the women I been involved with for privacy reasons. Neither will I if asked to. Everyone has a right to their privacy and I dont have the authority to invade theirs. Therefore I deem that the names of these women are strictly confidential and protected******



This is a subject that I have often lied about the most just to impress people. Mainly because it always seemed like I was 3 steps behind of every one else. I felt embarassed because I would hear my friends talk about their experience(s)with girls and I would be the only one with no story. Im the shy type. I never talked to any girls until about 8th grade. But I did experience a kiddie love affair with this one girl that annoyed me at the time. I remember that girl very well. Honestly looking back, she was pretty and had these beautiful eyes. One time at Breakfast she kissed me on my cheek. I dont remember her name but she surely wasnt my type from my 6/7 year old eyes. I didnt like her at all. She had this annoying voice that I couldnt stand. I had to see her everyday in school and on the school bus in elementary school. She said she liked me I hated it and her father actually waved hi to me everyday at her bus stop. Everyday she developed these "signature moves" if you will. When she got off the bus, she would walk to her father, blow a kiss at me, point at me and her father would wave hi. Then one day in the lunchroom, I was eating breakfast and the teachers escorted her to sit next to me. I prayed that they wouldn't put her next to me and dammit they did. Ohhh I hated that so much. She said "I want to sit next to my baby" which made me more angry and resistant. She said "I Love you Eddie" in front of the teachers and kissed me on my cheek. I was so embarassed and the teachers laughed and said "awwwwwwwwwwwww". I was so embarassed I got up and went to the bathroom. I wiped my face from the spot she kissed me and I sat at a different table. I guess that after she kissed me, the teachers explained to her that kissing isnt such a good thing for a girl her age b/c later that morning she came to my class with a teacher and apologized for kissing me. She then gave me a hug which I actually enjoyed very much. Back then I wasn't into girls and I thought kissing girls was kind of nasty. You know from my point of view back then as a 6 or 7 year old, I thought all girls were ugly but now looking back and remembering, she was adorable. It was a kiddie love affair that I will keep dear to my heart and memory as long as I live.

Now in Junior High School during Freshman year I didnt have any type of sexual feelings or urges for girls at all. I just never imagined it, neither did I care about it. Then in 7th grade I felt so belittled. I felt so ashamed and rotten. I will explain why. There was this beautiful girl in my 7th grade class that I happened to like. We were all in class and waiting for the teacher to come. I told one of the kids that I liked the girl and then the bastard said "oooooo Edwin likes (whatever her name was)" over and over. The whole class started laughing. I was embarassed but I looked up and remained neutral. The girl said "who EDWIN????? Fuck outta here wit his uglyass. He probably never had a girlfriend" Then the class laughed and others jumped in to make fun of my clothing and my face. The class laughed at me and then the teacher walked in. Very shitty timing on the teacher part, if only she was there sooner....I felt so humiliated and embarassed. I sank into a temporary depression and I didn't speak to any of my classmates. I would just walk in and stay quiet. If someone asked me for a pen I wouldnt respond b/c I felt betrayed and hurt. Im not implying that 7th Grade was crap all around but that did hurt me alot mentally and my confidence to approach a girl was thrown in the drain before I even developed it. I guess that plays a part in my insecurity today. So in 8th grade I really started to become more attracted to girls more then ever. I started to stare at girls asses and breasts lol. My goodness I was a horny little guy hahaha. When I would see a attractive girl pass by me or in my visionary, I would be like "wow I wish she was my girl" in my mind. Then around May of my senior year in J.H.S. I liked this gorgeous mexican girl. I was so frightened and scared to walk up to her and say that I liked her. My Friend said "dont be a pussy. If you like her tell her she ain't gonna bite you. The worst she could say is no and if she does say no then just say ok and walk away." So during 7th period that Friday I walked through the halls during passing time and saw her alone waiting for class to start. I walked up to her, my heart exploding and feeling like I was about to piss my pants. I said "Hey whats up?" "She said nothing im good and you?" I said "fine just fine" I paused for about 2 mins and she said "I guess I see you later im going into class". I actually "grew some balls" and said "wait...uhhh.uhhh... look ummm I came to tell you that I like you and that I wanna know if you would be my girlfriend?" When I saw her expression I thought she was gonna walk away. It was the first time I went up to a girl and said that. but it was nothing of what I expected. She smiled and giggled and said "well, let me think about it" and I said ok. Gosh I felt so good. She didn't flat out say no. It wasn't so bad afterall. All she said was that she would think about it. It wasnt hard as I thought it would be to just walk up to a girl and say "I Like You". But sadly she didn't give me a response to my proposal until "autograph day" which was the day seniors hung out in the 4th floor gym all day and get your autograph book signed. I went up to her and she gave me her book and i gave her mine. I wrote to her saying that "I really liked you what happened? I then wrote I hope you do good in High School. And she wrote in my book "Hey Edwin, I really didnt get a chance to know you that well to really give you an answer when you asked me out. Hope you do good in High school and I will miss you. Love you always, (blank). so I accepted that we werent going to happen so I let her go.
Now my Freshman year in High School was good. I came to liking school very much. My first year of High School, my Mom forced me to ride the school bus because she was too scared to let me go to school alone. On the bus was a girl. She attended the school across from Dewey. She was soooooo in love with me. My goodness everytime I would get on the bus she would say "Eddie boooo". and the others would laugh. I admit I loved the attention but it did get annoying after a while. So one day I sat in the bus and she came to sit next to me. I was always avoiding eye contact because I didnt know what was going to happen. So she would talk and I would respond yea, oh really, ok, sure, i see, oo wow. you know short responses..Then she grabbed my hand and placed it on her thigh. omg I was nervous, excited and didnt wanna be involved with her at the same time. But I can't front, I liked it. I kept sliding my hand off her thigh but she would always take my hand and place it back. Now some people would jump to the conclusion that if im resisting a girl's flirtyness then that must mean im gay. But honestly im not at all. Im 100% straight. I just didn't want to do nothing with her. She then placed my hand on her ass and I cant lie it was a nice ass lolsz. Then she literally begged me to kiss her. I was so scared and she kept getting closer and she put her hand on ma dick. So I said ok what the hell. So we kissed and after we stopped she was sooo happpy and she was telling her friend "we kissed girl omg he kissed me" she was sooo happy I was like wow this girl is feening. She asked if I can tongue kiss her and I said yea. So we tongue kissed for a while and then stopped. She was in love with me ever since. I never had a thing for her but I cant lie it was one hell of an interesting ride home.

Sophomore year was different. It was better. I met this gorgeous woman who I will not name. She was absolutely gorgeous to me. I was so nervous to ask her out. It's so funny because the first week of school we would leave school together and the way we looked at each other clearly defined how much we liked each other. So one night I said to myself I gotta ask her tomorrow, I gotta ask her tomnorrow. So it was the end of the day and we were on the bus chillin. We started looking at each other and smiling. I then grabbed her hand and she blushed and wouldnt look at me. She wass all red faced while I was trying to find the right words to say. So I came out and said "You know I like yuh right?" and she said yes. I asked her did she like me and she shook her head yes. I then said "So whats good will you be my girl?" She said yes!!!!! I Was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy inside. But I played it off smooth. So I walked her to the bus stop and she said "Ok but two things. numba one:Dont Cheat on me and two:you cant act like we aint together". I said ight no problem. We kissed for the first time it was magical. I loved it it just felt so right. So me and her were happy with each other and we had our fun. Then after a month and a day we broke up. Her reason was that her father heard a convo between her and her cousin about me. He confronted her and blah blah blah blah. Now personally I believed she cheated on me cause the next day my friend told me he saw "ma girl makin out with some guy on campus" So that lead me to logically believe that she broke up with me to be with him. The night we broke up I was in my friend's house. I cried because I didn't wanna break up. I really liked her. She was my first girlfriend. I thought my world was tumbling down on me because I never thought I was gonna find another woman. Boy was I wrong!!!!

Junior year I was eager to start a relationship with a woman. Thats when I met her. My goodness I just couldnt believe my eyes. She was just so beautiful and sexy. I wanted her to be mine. I quickly started off a convo with her before our class started. We became good friends after that day. One day I asked to walk her home. She cconsented and I was odee happy. Now I don't remember what lead up to the moment, but before I left, I kissed her. Her lips were so soft, she smelled so good and I figured that "she wouldnt just let any guy kiss her so she had to like me". I went home all happy feelin all big and bad cause I thought she was gunna be ma next girlfriend and she is a badd mami. Man was I in for a surprise. I asked her if I can walk her home again and once again she said yes. We both were walking and talking and before I was about to pop the question, this douchebag comes out of nowhere and starts talking to her. I was soo pissed. The asshole just had to ruin it. Fucking Jerk. So a few days later I "caught" her walking home. When she saw me I could see that she was kinda annoyed b/c I walked her home like 2 days straight. But I wanted her and I wasn't in any way prepared to let the opportunity slip. So I popped the question and unfortunately she rejected me for whatever the reason was. From that point on I would try to make myself appear occasionally near her class because I wanted to see her reaction. At times she would say Edwin!! or Hi Edwin and I enjoyed the attention. Call me a stalker but hey I had a big thing for her. I was unsuccessful trying to win her heart and I thought maybe I should just let go. So one day I left her a comment on myspace, and all of a sudden she hits me up on aim. I couldnt believe it because everytime I would IM her she would only say hi and thats it. So we started talking and we would I.M and Text all day and into all hours of the night till we were tired from that point on. Everyday the same time frame I would always have my phone in my hand texting and I.M.. So one day I asked if I could come over and chill? she said sure. I went and we spent about an hour together maybe a little more. I wanted to kiss her so bad and ask her out but I thought maybe I lay back and chill for a while because I remember her saying that she doesn't like when guys try to kiss her and if she wanted a kiss she would let it be known through her body language/actions. So I chilled and waited to see where it took us. So after about 2 and a half months of texting, IM, and chillin together we became closer and closer. One day she called and asked if I can go with her somewhere, and I said of course. So on our way back we start making jokes, laughing at each other, blah blah blah blah blah. So we were in the elevator at her crib. We start flirting and I don't remember what we said during our flirtatious convo but as she left the elevator she said "kiss my ass" I said "werd, come here then" She came and slowly and flirty-like shaked her ass. I grabbed her and put her ass on me. No resistance and she laid back on me. I decided to lean in and she leaned in and we finally kissed AGAIN. I loved it. I was in heaven. I felt she loved it tooo because I didnt feel her resisting nor trying to end the kiss. As long as I was kissing her she wouldnt leave. She would lean in my arms and we would kiss for a good minute and stopped. I tell yuh I was really in love with her. Now for the record me and her were never a couple officially and I dont think she saw it as dating. Im not sure how she saw it. I assume that she probably saw it as a "Summer Fling" I really dont know. But it was more then a summer fling to me. I was in love with her. Its amazing because I really never got her true input on how she felt about me until the end of summer around september. Once I found out that she didnt feel the same I felt hurt, sadness, depression, etc. I was beating myself up wondering what was it that I did wrong. Was I not aggressive enough? Was I too aggressive? Was it something I did that turned her off?? I just couldn't for the life of me figure it out. I still have feelings for her and I still love her with all my heart. If I was given a second chance I would for damn sure do things a little different and without changing my personality. I can define love with this definition. "A Genuine unconditional care for someone/thing you care about. "Another definition which I looked up "A warm personal attachment to another person"

I'm the type that loves meeting new people. Whether it's outside, in school, or online. I love joining chatrooms and Social networking because you never know who you might meet. Especially women. Some people may think its lame but I don't. I think chatrooms are good ways to connect people. Despite unfortunate mishaps with online chat, I think overall its pretty cool. when I had Boost Mobile, I joined a chatroom called Boost Hookt. I met this girl and she seemed pretty cool. We chatted and we decided to go out. I made every attempt to try and meet up with her and see her. But I never got to see her. She would make up these excuses. And it got annoyed. So we had an argument and I never spoke to her again.

I also dated a beautiful girl from California. She is so sexy. Now I never seen her but she was awesome. We would call each other and talk for hours. She and I would've been perfect if she lived in New York.

I met this girl on myspace. She lived in queens but moved out the country for whatever the reason. I like her alot and she feels the same. Unfortunately long distsnce relationships don't work out the way we want to so we were together in the relationship for a short time. We have fun talkin on aim and facebook. She's sooo funny. She is Egyptian. Can you believe it?? Egyptian!! She is soo beautiful. Like She is the most gorgeous girl in the world to me. I can't wait for her to come back to New York so we can catch up.

There was this girl that I didn't mention earlier in my blog. I had such a crush on another girl back in Junior High School. Gosh she was sexy for a youngin'. I was feening to be with her. I never got the chance to back then. But last year I started a relationship with her. She certainly did change since J.H.S. She is cool even though I have to say I truely believe that she is a religious freak. She would always say she hopes I do well "on my Journey" in life in her religious angle. I'm not religious but I do believe that God exists. Thats one thing I disliked bout her. But overall she was a cool girlfriend. Even though I have to say that she was a jealous freak. In fact she broke it off b/c she thought I was cheating on her which isn't true. I didn't cheat on her.

Now out of all places, especially a place like John Jay there are women everywhere. Sexy ass latina women everywhere. There's a Latina professor at the college who I would love to fuck so bad but there's only a slim to zero chance that will happen. Now during the spring semester I met this girl. I sat next to her when the semester started and I thought she was beautiful. I fell in love with her eyes. her eyes are so beautiful and clear. She makes herself look so pretty and does it well. She really is a beautiful woman. We started to sit next to each other more often and we would talk and laugh, make fun of the professor and each other few times. So one day we chilled in this empty corrodor and laughed like we always did and made jokes. We were kinda flirty toward each other. Our bodies would touch one another. And I just wanted to hold her. So after a good laugh I grabbed her soft body and leaned against hers and she leaned on mine. As I lifted my head off her shoulder our lips were close to each other and the moment to kiss came. Once I went in she stopped me and said in a sad voice "I can't". She really couldn't because she was in a relationship but I kind of seduced her and said that to her "he not goin to find out" and we kissed. osh I loved it. Her soft lips and long ass tongue omg. When we stopped I wanted more but she stopped. When I walked her to her class I tried again and she said no. So I kissed her on the cheek and left. I felt so guilty afterwards. I knew she felt the same way I did but sadly she was in a relationship so it was a no-go. It took me a while but I finally got her to tell me how she felt bout me and I was right.

I really wish me and her were together I really liked her. But I guess we always can't have what we want. So I'm just gonna chill and do me for now. I look at the bright side of this, I don't gotta worry bout spending money on no one, I don't gotta worry bout spending time or obligating my time to someone. I could just do me, make ma money, go to school without a girl lookin ova ma back and no drama. I could just do me. Now don't get me wrong if I meet someone I would definetly give it a chance and see what happens. But for now I'm on ma solo flow just living ma life to the best of my ability.

From the Distance

There are many people who know me outside and see me quite often. And im sure that everyone I encounter have their own views and opinions about who I am. I wont lie I did put up fronts in the past to tried to make an image to get people to like me. I always had a thing to attract attention to myself especially in my moments. I felt I had to measure up to a certain level on other people's standards. Basically because I felt that I was a nobody. I was never noticed as popular, I was enlisted in a category known as "mr goodie too shoes" or "Teachers Pet". I hated that but I remained as the good kid because I was taught to respect the adults and do what im told. I was always afraid to get in trouble. I remember the first time I was yelled at by a math teacher I ran to the Bathroom and burst into tears. I cried so hard because I was never yelled at by a teacher like that before. All because a classmate asked me for a pencil sharpener and the teacher thought that I was "talking". Fucking skank. Ever since that day I took "being yelled at" not as hard as I did. I never cried for being yelled at again. However I still didnt like being yelled at period and still don't. However I dont take being yelled at by anyone lightly and during my early teen years I developed a temper. Alot of people would never expect that "Edwin has a temper?" But its true, I do. I remember starting in 7th grade I said my first curse words and it shocked the hell out of friends. I said "Shut the Fuck up". I couldnt believe it myself. I actually said it. From that point on I started my cursing and got goood at it. I started to socialize alot more with other kids and made new friends.
Continuing on, I realized that me talking a little too much got me into things I wanted no invlovement in. For example, in Junior H.S. I had a friend that I mainly associated with. He was mexican and had mexican friends. Of course I didnt know spanish so I wanted to learn. Whenever I was around his people I knew they were making fun of me because of the expressions and pointing. So I asked my friend how to say "Have you been sucking dick lately little bitch" in spanish. I repeated it and they laughed because of how I sounded. After the laughing ceased I got my ass whopped. lolsz. Not seriously whopped but I guess you can say they jumped me.
I always hated when other kids would make fun of me and sometimes hit or do annoying things. Quite frankly I wasnt tough, I wasnt respected and I was easy to pick on. I never fought back simply because at the time I was scared of other kids. I had no fighting skills, and I didnt know how to defend myself. But one day I became stronger and started to defend myself. During lunchtime in j.h.s my twin brother would be outside with "The special kids" b/c he himself has a physical disability. So one day one of the "Regular kids" walked over to him and started talking to him. At first I thought nothing of it I thought he was just talking to him. But then the kid started to imitate my brother's walk. I got extremely pissed off. I started walking over but before I got to stop him the kid pushed him and laughed while my bro was on the ground scraped up (so I thought). I ran to the kid and pushed him so hard. to the ground. Hence every one paused and looked at me with the expression "Did he...did Edwin just push that kid??" The kid got up again and attempted to get in my face but I got a hit in and pushed him again. The crowd was like "oooohhhhh shit Edwin fucked him up" yadda yadda yaddda all I did was hit em in the torso no biggie. The Dean meddled in and of course took my word over the kid b/c the kid was a troublemaker. Afterwards I helped my brother up and checked if he was scraped up and apparently he just got a scratch on his index finger. I felt so good for standing up to that kid and I got the respect I deserved at the time. Ever since then, even though I wasnt always successful I defended myself when need be.

Final Thoughts: Everyone has their own opinion about who I am. Some people believe that I am a "lame" or "simple-minded" or "slow". Some people think im full of excuses which I do conceed I used to do but I have improved and I own up to my faults. And when I realize that im starting to make excuses I shut my mouth and just admit the wrong I did. I feel that now more then ever I need to learn how to be myself and stop trying to put up a persona that isnt me. I decided that no longer will I try to impress others but just to be myself. I mean whats wrong with just admitting the truth. Who cares what other people think of you. If you refuse to be yourself, then you arent alive.

Alive too soon

Alright to start off my name is Edwin. I was born on the 7th month instead of the 9th month on December 19th 1990 at 1:03PM. Yes call me premo. To think that doctors said I'd be born on February 17th, 1991 another proven fact that doctors arent as smart as they are presumed to be. Im one of the lucky ones. I was supposed to die that day. I was so fragile and so small. Doctors predicted that me and my twin brother(especially him) wouldnt make it through the night. Once again we proved the unimaginable and survived. Amazin' aint it doctor??? According to family members, I was named after my Uncle Edwin whom I never met. I was told that I was originally going to be named "Van Edwin Westbrook" but apparently they decided to switch it around to Edwin Van Westbrook. I remember parts of my childhood but much seems to be a blur to me. I do remember times when my Father and my mother would argue and argue. Finally it was too much too handle with my dad's drinking so my mom sought to get a divorce. From what I been told it was hard on my mom during my toodler years financially. There were many days when she wouldnt eat but always made sure we all ate. Looking back I felt bad and I cried once about it because I can only imagine how hungry she was at the time. Then my step-dad came into the picture around 1997. It would change my life and that of my family since. My mom's financial status was improving and our relationship with Maxx (my step-dad) grew strong. Whenever I introduce Maxx to my friends I do so by introducing him with the championship titled "My Father". Why? because he practically raised me and taught me pretty much everything I know today. He taught me how to shower, shave, tie my sneakers, etc.

Final Thoughts: To this day I honestly dont know what my purpose is. But I do know one thing, I am definetly here for a damn good reason. Knowing that I was supposed top die and miraculously escaping my death sentance is a big ass sign in my book. So if I plan to pursue something I will accomplish that goal. I will discover my purpose and I will succeed.